Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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