I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
