I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
