saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
