thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
