God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
