this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
