Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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