why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
