My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
