Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
