We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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