Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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