He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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