goodnight i made you a song goodbye
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
