puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
