I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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