guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
