oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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