I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
