I just saw a hot homeless man
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
