He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
