We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
