Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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