Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
