I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
