Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
