I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
