i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
