That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
