So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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