i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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