Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
