im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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