I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
