i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
