Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
