That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
