he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
