your parents love me but you hate me
we have pet lesbian snakes
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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