Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
