Jerry, you need to find god
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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