i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
