New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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