So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
