I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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