he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
