I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
