Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
