I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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