Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize