when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
