you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
