the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
