my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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