It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
