I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
