eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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