If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
