He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
