barbara walters just said penis...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
