i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my shit smells like andre
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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