My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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