We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
