trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
