Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
