I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I had to cum in my sink.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
