I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
