____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
