If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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