I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
