and she was petting her beer can
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
