i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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